How to better accommodate my wife's desires?

[RojasPuraVida]

Hi everyone,

I'll preface this by saying that I am in no-way an AB. I have nothing against the lifestyle - it just doesn't do anything for me. I describe myself as a DL although I don't know how fair of a label that is either, I joined this site not really knowing what that meant.

I was left wearing incontinence pads after a car accident 10+ years ago and met my wife while recovering. She's always had a 'thing' for taking care of me which we have explored on occasions in the past. I like wearing the pads because I really hate catheters or the idea of a stoma/urostomy bag, if I hadn't had my accident, I wouldn't wear the pads so I am very new to all of this.

She genuinely seems excited/'gratified' to change my pads or to feed me from a bottle like an infant and for her sake I've nothing against exploring different things. I'm generally quite open minded as is she (I have my own kinks that aren't relevant here that she accommodates).

We've got a trip booked for next weekend and she's mentioned wanting to 'babify' me as she puts it, which has always meant us spending an evening with her taking care of me like an infant. Does anyone have any ideas as to some things that she might enjoy doing in that respect? We're both quite green to this kind of thing.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Diapertoddler]

Just go with what evers in her head for the weekend, you'll either enjoy it or you wont but atleast she wants to attempt making you feel good.

 

[RojasPuraVida]

Just go with what evers in her head for the weekend, you'll either enjoy it or you wont but atleast she wants to attempt making you feel good.

Well said! Like always I'm probably overthinking this haha

 

[RestrainU4Me]

Maybe ask your wife to be more descriptive in what her true fantasy is and what does she exactly want to do?

Just curious, how come you don’t use diapers instead of pads?

You could place a quick Amazon order before your trip for some stuff to help set the scene… for example: littleforbig has onesies, pacifiers and diapers if you feel comfortable trying any of that.

Dressing up may help you feel more out of control/little and help her feel more in charge/a caregiver.

Thats just my opinion, from my experiences! Have fun and good luck!

 

[Owlzzy]

Hi everyone,

I'll preface this by saying that I am in no-way an AB. I have nothing against the lifestyle - it just doesn't do anything for me. I describe myself as a DL although I don't know how fair of a label that is either, I joined this site not really knowing what that meant.

I was left wearing incontinence pads after a car accident 10+ years ago and met my wife while recovering. She's always had a 'thing' for taking care of me which we have explored on occasions in the past. I like wearing the pads because I really hate catheters or the idea of a stoma/urostomy bag, if I hadn't had my accident, I wouldn't wear the pads so I am very new to all of this.

She genuinely seems excited/'gratified' to change my pads or to feed me from a bottle like an infant and for her sake I've nothing against exploring different things. I'm generally quite open minded as is she (I have my own kinks that aren't relevant here that she accommodates).

We've got a trip booked for next weekend and she's mentioned wanting to 'babify' me as she puts it, which has always meant us spending an evening with her taking care of me like an infant. Does anyone have any ideas as to some things that she might enjoy doing in that respect? We're both quite green to this kind of thing.

Thanks in advance.

My advice would be to sit down and discuss what she has in mind. Go into detail and ensure that you both are on the same page before play begins. Additionally, have a safe word or phrase that allows each of you to stop play should you need to. I use the traffic light system myself (I can explain if you are unfamiliar).

Effective communication is key so that you both have a great time without having unmet expectations

 

[BigKid25]

Well, i will say your opinion in this matters too. As with ANY kink or relationship/lifestyle, communication is key. Yes, be open minded and let her take lead if you're okay and trusting enough to see if it's something you end up enjoying. But don't allow it to be something that builds resentment.

ABDL is a very personal journey. I tend to be a bit of a pseudo therapist when it comes to kinks and relationships by asking what the root desire is. Is it the passion to care for you or is it the desire to have an infant type person being totally dependent on her? There is crossover there, but they're not exactly the same thing. Likewise for you, is the caring nice or are you solely doing this to make her happy? If it's ONLY the latter, the resentment will cause problems down the road. If it's a mix of the 2, then use this opportunity to be honest with each other about how you feel before, during, and after the experience. Even an experience you don't like gives you data points to determine how you both want to support each other moving forward, which is a valuable lesson.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

She loves you, and you love her. Whether you end up enjoying the things she does or not, you can enjoy that she cares enough to do things with you. Communication is important, but appreciate the love even if the specific activity turns out not to be quite your thing.

 

[RojasPuraVida]

Maybe ask your wife to be more descriptive in what her true fantasy is and what does she exactly want to do?

Just curious, how come you don’t use diapers instead of pads?

You could place a quick Amazon order before your trip for some stuff to help set the scene… for example: littleforbig has onesies, pacifiers and diapers if you feel comfortable trying any of that.

Dressing up may help you feel more out of control/little and help her feel more in charge/a caregiver.

Thats just my opinion, from my experiences! Have fun and good luck!

Not sure quite how it translates into English - I use Abena S4 pull-ups. The website I buy them from refers to them as incontinence pads.

I'd be comfortable trying most things honestly if it's what she wanted. I love seeing her in her element and enjoying herself, plus we usually have really 'fun time' after So I'll bring up ordering a few things from Amazon to her and see what she thinks.

 

[RojasPuraVida]

Well, i will say your opinion in this matters too. As with ANY kink or relationship/lifestyle, communication is key. Yes, be open minded and let her take lead if you're okay and trusting enough to see if it's something you end up enjoying. But don't allow it to be something that builds resentment.

ABDL is a very personal journey. I tend to be a bit of a pseudo therapist when it comes to kinks and relationships by asking what the root desire is. Is it the passion to care for you or is it the desire to have an infant type person being totally dependent on her? There is crossover there, but they're not exactly the same thing. Likewise for you, is the caring nice or are you solely doing this to make her happy? If it's ONLY the latter, the resentment will cause problems down the road. If it's a mix of the 2, then use this opportunity to be honest with each other about how you feel before, during, and after the experience. Even an experience you don't like gives you data points to determine how you both want to support each other moving forward, which is a valuable lesson.

For me; I'm submissive by nature so letting her take the lead is what is in it for me more so than the caring part of it. It's not that I get nothing from it. I've always enjoyed this kind of thing but that's because I like it when she takes charge.

We've done tings like this before and there's absolutely no resentment. I've asked my wife the same question (albeit phrased differently) and from what I understand it's about being a caregiver for her that she enjoys, less so about dependency more so about caring.

 

[RojasPuraVida]

My advice would be to sit down and discuss what she has in mind. Go into detail and ensure that you both are on the same page before play begins. Additionally, have a safe word or phrase that allows each of you to stop play should you need to. I use the traffic light system myself (I can explain if you are unfamiliar).

Effective communication is key so that you both have a great time without having unmet expectations

Out of curiosity; would you explain the traffic light system to me? We've got a safe word we use when doing BDSM type stuff but we're usually pretty attuned to each other like that so neither of us have ever actually needed to use it.

 

[BabyTheleste]

If she really wants to “babify” you then she might want to dress you in baby clothes (unfortunately it might be a bit short notice for this weekend, but ask her if she does for next time). As well as bottle feeding, breast suckling, and spoon feeding porridge or similarly mushy food is a good thing to do. Of course, diaper changing is an essential part of babyfying someone too, with the associated cleaning and powdering baby’s bottom and other little bits.

Whilst you might not be “in to it”, unless it really makes you uncomfortable then go with the flow - you might find in time you enjoy it more. And if it furthers your wife’s happiness then I am sure she will continue to reciprocate in terms of meeting your specific needs.

 

[Bigbabybret]

So, I too am not what you would say into the AB thing and couldnt ever get into the mindset either.

My ex (one of them) did do the AB thing with me as well, I think it was partially due to the last kid leaving home and it was then just us alone and she wanted to relive some the feelings that she had experianced with the kids back 20 or so years ago.

But, she went ahead and bought ABDL 2 tape diapers with prints, baby food bottle and the rest the "baby" stuff that she thought would be useful and/or handy, seeing i had plenty of regular diapers and cream and even footed sleeprs as i do love them...the other stuff was all pretty much from the baby isle at the local wally world.

So, I said OK as yes we both have explored other things over the years, to better and worse.

Well, i tried to get into the mindset of being babied and had a real hard time getting into any mode like that, and to even try was for me actually hard and took a lot of concentration to NOT be myself and be just normal as it were.

We did have some fun, albeit i'd say be careful on what babyfood you let her pick if you have a choice, applesause is safe, peas or meat is not a good coice IMHO.

But i let her have some fun when she wanted and we explored it and as long as she was having fun then that was totally fine by me i could concentrate and play my part, albeit not that easy fr me to do.

We went about this many times and also did some more toddler things and over time ended up more being a mischmash of things.

insted of say feeding me baby food, regular, usually messy, adult food was fed to me, and also sort just went to the regular diapers as the AB ones she got with the 2 tabs leaked badly and being IC not really an option to no wear something, of course wearing footed sleepers were always on the menu anyhow, but other things like changing and alike were still sorta babyish...

But as time went one, we found what she liked to do when she felt the want, like she didnt want me changing myself whenwe were together ever, and not to ask for a change unless really was going to be an issue outside the house, which never was i have to say, and also she preferred to pick the meals mostly without my input at home.

when out we were just normal, minus she still wanted to do any changes, and if it was just us she would order for me quite often, and her being on the wagon and i rarelt ever drink even on my own drinks were usually pop or i actually love chocolate milk, had that tonight actually.

But, i let her explore the whole thing, and then she found what she liked, and it was fun.

I'd say that as a general rule, she would feed me like 5 out of 7 days a week, and put an adult sized bib on me as even if noone tried something was getting spiled when doing things like italian soups or anything that can drip would at some point.

She would 95% of the time do diaper changes, and just change me when she felt it was needed or she wanted to, or even dress me in/out of pj's and alike when home.

I have a feeling you may not "enjoy" the aspect of the act of say being fed, but it's sweet and seeing her being happy is also rewarding in its own way.

On my own or with my other ex's i wouldnt have picked these tasks to be done for me or even "inflicted at the start" on me, but she was happy and wanted to do them and i played my part in going along with it, not something i'd go out of my way to do at all on my own and even somewhat didnt like them that much, as i dont really like being dirty from food on my face, but she would wipe me up and it was all better.

I am sure that you know how to play the role, and allow her to explore and even though it's not your "thing" can ablige her and let her have the fun and explore the genre, and most likely will find ways that you too will get rewards and/or enjoyment from the whole process as well in the end, but it will take a bit of time for things to progress to where things are good for you both, and i from your post think you understand in the give and take in relationships and allowing things to progress naturally and you will both end up rewarded in the end im sure.

 

[Owlzzy]

Out of curiosity; would you explain the traffic light system to me? We've got a safe word we use when doing BDSM type stuff but we're usually pretty attuned to each other like that so neither of us have ever actually needed to use it.

I'd be happy to

It is a quick and efficient safeword system used by many in the kink/BDSM community to convey the needs of the person using the "safeword" when they otherwise may not be capable of more in depth effective communication or when they simply wish to convey their feelings quickly so as to not "ruin the moment".

There are 3 safewords to the traffic light system. Each representative of the lights on most everyone's roadways. Red, Yellow, Green.

Green: is often used to convey a love/like of a given activity. Think of it as a quick way to say "I'm loving this! More please!"

Yellow: is often used to convey the need for a break or for things to slow down. The use of this safeword should be followed up with a verbal check-in to understand the "why" behind its use.

Red: is used to stop everything and proceed to caring for each other. And should also be followed up with a conversation / verbal check-in to understand the "why" behind its use.

The key to using this system effectively is first discussing its and its use before engaging in a given activity. And to always honor them as they are there to enhance the safety and enjoyment of those participating.

I hope this helped RojasPuraVida. Feel free to follow up with any questions

 

[BobaFettish]

I sent a Big I was with for awhile a meme that said "Tchoupitoulas is my safeword". She laughed and told me lagniappe is your safeword.
We both laughed, but then realized it was a good idea. The traffic light colors are great, but lagniappe means a few extra. There's times being in an impact scene, I'm not ready to yellow or red out of it, but lagniappe was a way to see a few more and I'm good.

 

[KBoy]

Hi everyone,

I'll preface this by saying that I am in no-way an AB. I have nothing against the lifestyle - it just doesn't do anything for me. I describe myself as a DL although I don't know how fair of a label that is either, I joined this site not really knowing what that meant.

I was left wearing incontinence pads after a car accident 10+ years ago and met my wife while recovering. She's always had a 'thing' for taking care of me which we have explored on occasions in the past. I like wearing the pads because I really hate catheters or the idea of a stoma/urostomy bag, if I hadn't had my accident, I wouldn't wear the pads so I am very new to all of this.

She genuinely seems excited/'gratified' to change my pads or to feed me from a bottle like an infant and for her sake I've nothing against exploring different things. I'm generally quite open minded as is she (I have my own kinks that aren't relevant here that she accommodates).

We've got a trip booked for next weekend and she's mentioned wanting to 'babify' me as she puts it, which has always meant us spending an evening with her taking care of me like an infant. Does anyone have any ideas as to some things that she might enjoy doing in that respect? We're both quite green to this kind of thing.

Thanks in advance.

Well, yeah, i mean "Yes Ma'am!"
O my baby baby you married a wild one...
Yeah,... good luck with that.
Wonder how she feels about petticoating