Told the girl in my life about my desire for diapers

[jenstheboy]

Hey everyone

So I met this sweet and kind girl in february this year who ive become very close and intimate with. We are not in a traditional relationship but in an open relationship sorta style. We are very comfortable with each other and can be honest with each other and talk about everything including sexuality.
So I opened up about my desire for diapers and I told her that I am a diaper lover and that diapers and ageplay turns me on and that im super scared to open up about it. I also told her that ive never opened up about it to anyone (which i havent) which she found super cute and honest.
She was very kind and understanding and was just like "oh is it just that? Thats so innocent you have nothing to worry about, I wont judge you" - which is the best feeling ever to hear from a significant other (and I encourage you all out there to give it a try and tell your significant other about this side of yourself!) It has been very nice for me to finally tell another person about this side of myself and to be met with nothing but love!

However - since I told her and she said it is no big deal, we have only briefly talked about it ever since. I have told her about binge-purge cycles and that im sometimes very into the diaper stuff and other times im not (as most of you might have tried yourself). And she has been very supportive and non-judgemental.

Since I told her, I thought that she would have a thousand of questions for me about it and I was ready to answer them - however, she hasn't asked me about it, why it turns me on, how it feels or well... anything

So my question for you guys is: Should I just let things be as it is right now where she accepts it and supports me but we dont really talk about it and she doesnt express any curiosity about the topic
Or should I ask her point blank if she would like to hear more about it and maybe participate?

I mean... open communication is best but im afraid to "push" her.

Thoughts are very appreciated.
Thank you!

 

[allesindie]

Hy lucky you ;-)
Without knowing you both, i would let the situation "settle" and not mention it too much. Let her pick up the subject. Maybe she will find some diapers one day "hidden" in your drawer ...
Since she is fine with it and if you have time for yourself and the diapers, i don't think there is any reason to speed up with this.

Have fun and good luck,
Allesindie

 

[jenstheboy]

Hy lucky you ;-)
Without knowing you both, i would let the situation "settle" and not mention it too much. Let her pick up the subject. Maybe she will find some diapers one day "hidden" in your drawer ...
Since she is fine with it and if you have time for yourself and the diapers, i don't think there is any reason to speed up with this.

Have fun and good luck,
Allesindie

Very good perspective with letting her pick up the subject! Yes I do have time for myself and diaper-time, so I guess you are right that there is no reason to speed things up! And I can enjoy the feeling of not having to be afraid if she finds any of my stuff since she knows I have it and she is fine with it.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

As someone who is older (40) and has been through two terrible relationships with vanillas (terrible for other reasons) but now is in a very delightful relationship with someone who is accepting of diapers and uses them herself, my advice is much the same as @allesindie gave, but I'll nuance it a bit.

You can't build a lifelong loving relationship on one common interest and a cacophony of conflict and indifference. She accepts that you wear diapers, and was very gracious about it. Her response to your revelation gives no reason to believe that diapers will ever cause a conflict in the relationship, so now your energy should be directed toward building the relationship in other ways, which are much more important in the big picture, such as finding agreement on life goals and values. Unless they are a necessity because of abnormal elimination, diapers are, at the end of the day, a hobby. Focus on the things that make lifelong love a reality, and let the peripheral things fall into place naturally.

 

[jenstheboy]

As someone who is older (40) and has been through two terrible relationships with vanillas (terrible for other reasons) but now is in a very delightful relationship with someone who is accepting of diapers and uses them herself, my advice is much the same as @allesindie gave, but I'll nuance it a bit.

You can't build a lifelong loving relationship on one common interest and a cacophony of conflict and indifference. She accepts that you wear diapers, and was very gracious about it. Her response to your revelation gives no reason to believe that diapers will ever cause a conflict in the relationship, so now your energy should be directed toward building the relationship in other ways, which are much more important in the big picture, such as finding agreement on life goals and values. Unless they are a necessity because of abnormal elimination, diapers are, at the end of the day, a hobby. Focus on the things that make lifelong love a reality, and let the peripheral things fall into place naturally.

Thank you very much for that perspective! It definitely makes sense to build and nurture the relationship in other and more important ways now that there are no reason to believe that diapers will cause a conflict in the relationship.

 

[60something]

When my wife and I had the "Talk" it was before we married, not by much tho. My conscience REALLY bothered me. I knew I had to come clean. Her response was like jenstheboy's girlfriend. Just not a problem.
Sometimes "not a problem' IS a problem. I was so relieved when she told me how much it wasn't a problem. But I didn't realize at the moment that she saw my abdl desires as something trivial. Worse, she saw it as an issue she would take care of and eliminate from our lives. Years later my wife confided in me about this. She told me that at the time it was such a minor thing to her. She told me she never realized how big a part of my life my diapers were. Her heart of hearts believe was that she was going to be so much for me I'd never look back on my diapers. It was only after we were married and settled into our relationship that she realized she bit off more that she thought.
When I came clean, it was very traumatic to reveal this part of me. I never thought to explain that I couldn't make it go away. That I tried mightily to quit my baby life. Looking back I wish I had. Maybe part of me was afraid to reveal how deeply ingrained my diapers were.
This reality of our life together spawned so much controversy. As the stress of life ramped up with a challenging work environment, adjusting to adult married life with new expenses and responsibilities, I retreated to my diaper default condition. This didn't mean I excluded her from our life together. Rather, she saw how emotionally involved I was in my ab world. Understandably she became jealous of it. Abdl was a mistress she couldn't compete with. Her attempts to cure me only created more controversy.
I would purge for her, trying to do my part to make our relationship better and she watched me gradually melt down to the point of losing my grasp on life. When this happened, it would break her heart. My wife REALLY loves me. She relented and allowed me to return to my baby. hobby. This happened over and over. Each time my abdl side grew and became more entrenched. Now, in many ways she's married to a very large toddler. I never meant (or wanted) this. Consciously anyways. The problem is, try as I might I couldn't stop it. Diapers were and are like and addictive drug. Just too powerful for me to control.
I guess what I'm getting at is if you ever get to the point of becoming a long term couple you REALLY need to talk this out. jenstheboy, if you can try to delve into yourself, try to picture how far you would have to go to keep the big baby in you from driving you crazy. With that in mind see if you can live that life without involving your girlfriend. If you can live that lifestyle that's the time to have the "Talk". Explain to her how you `reduced you abdl life to the point that you need those aspects of abdl to keep you mentally stable.. Make it clear she can't change it. She has to KNOW this is as basic as being physically handicapped.
Help her understand this isn't an ultimatum. Just a fact of life. Be prepared to have her tell you she couldn't handle your lifestyle. For me, I would have said goodbye. Looking back it would have been for the best. I would have tortured the person I loved the most and tortured myself right along with her. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you see your relationship starting to bloom into a life together, at that point she needs to KNOW what she's getting and you can guarantee it can't change. Had I done that, I would still most likely married my wife. But the years of pain we caused each other could have been minimized.
Good luck my friend....

 

[jenstheboy]

When my wife and I had the "Talk" it was before we married, not by much tho. My conscience REALLY bothered me. I knew I had to come clean. Her response was like jenstheboy's girlfriend. Just not a problem.
Sometimes "not a problem' IS a problem. I was so relieved when she told me how much it wasn't a problem. But I didn't realize at the moment that she saw my abdl desires as something trivial. Worse, she saw it as an issue she would take care of and eliminate from our lives. Years later my wife confided in me about this. She told me that at the time it was such a minor thing to her. She told me she never realized how big a part of my life my diapers were. Her heart of hearts believe was that she was going to be so much for me I'd never look back on my diapers. It was only after we were married and settled into our relationship that she realized she bit off more that she thought.
When I came clean, it was very traumatic to reveal this part of me. I never thought to explain that I couldn't make it go away. That I tried mightily to quit my baby life. Looking back I wish I had. Maybe part of me was afraid to reveal how deeply ingrained my diapers were.
This reality of our life together spawned so much controversy. As the stress of life ramped up with a challenging work environment, adjusting to adult married life with new expenses and responsibilities, I retreated to my diaper default condition. This didn't mean I excluded her from our life together. Rather, she saw how emotionally involved I was in my ab world. Understandably she became jealous of it. Abdl was a mistress she couldn't compete with. Her attempts to cure me only created more controversy.
I would purge for her, trying to do my part to make our relationship better and she watched me gradually melt down to the point of losing my grasp on life. When this happened, it would break her heart. My wife REALLY loves me. She relented and allowed me to return to my baby. hobby. This happened over and over. Each time my abdl side grew and became more entrenched. Now, in many ways she's married to a very large toddler. I never meant (or wanted) this. Consciously anyways. The problem is, try as I might I couldn't stop it. Diapers were and are like and addictive drug. Just too powerful for me to control.
I guess what I'm getting at is if you ever get to the point of becoming a long term couple you REALLY need to talk this out. jenstheboy, if you can try to delve into yourself, try to picture how far you would have to go to keep the big baby in you from driving you crazy. With that in mind see if you can live that life without involving your girlfriend. If you can live that lifestyle that's the time to have the "Talk". Explain to her how you `reduced you abdl life to the point that you need those aspects of abdl to keep you mentally stable.. Make it clear she can't change it. She has to KNOW this is as basic as being physically handicapped.
Help her understand this isn't an ultimatum. Just a fact of life. Be prepared to have her tell you she couldn't handle your lifestyle. For me, I would have said goodbye. Looking back it would have been for the best. I would have tortured the person I loved the most and tortured myself right along with her. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you see your relationship starting to bloom into a life together, at that point she needs to KNOW what she's getting and you can guarantee it can't change. Had I done that, I would still most likely married my wife. But the years of pain we caused each other could have been minimized.
Good luck my friend....

Thank you very much for the honest story and this perspective on the topic!! I agree 100% with you that ill have to make it clear to her that this side of me probably never wont go away and make it clear she can't change it. She has already told me the fact that she is aware that people can't just change who they are and what kinks they have. Its part of being human to have desires that you can't explain or change. I think and hope she already has accepted that this is a part of me that she can't change. To my knowledge it hasn't damaged anything between us yet and hopefully will stay that way.

 

[60something]

Thank you very much for the honest story and this perspective on the topic!! I agree 100% with you that ill have to make it clear to her that this side of me probably never wont go away and make it clear she can't change it. She has already told me the fact that she is aware that people can't just change who they are and what kinks they have. Its part of being human to have desires that you can't explain or change. I think and hope she already has accepted that this is a part of me that she can't change. To my knowledge it hasn't damaged anything between us yet and hopefully will stay that way.

Make sure you reciprocate. As open as she seems to be with your issues, she may just have some of her own. If she does, do your best to fulfill her dreams. The two of you making dreams come true for each other. .....priceless....

 

[Traveler]

There is some awesome advice here. I'll throw in my quick thoughts on the subject. First of all great on you for telling her early. I've seen that the longer someone waits to tell their SO, the more resentful they feel when their loved one reaches into the ABDL world. My best advice is to not go it alone. Use resources like this website or Dr. Rhoda's book and without being pushy, maybe show her how common this part of our lives truly is. There wouldn't be a huge website with thousand upon thousands of great people sharing their experiences if it weren't something truly special. I've found that ABDL's are very special people in that we have this part of ourselves that can make us EXTREMELY vulnerable, and when we open up to others about it it shows a deep level of trust. If she is understanding of it, you've got a winner and I'd just keep fostering the relationship in other ways.

 

[jackyyyyt]

Hey everyone

So I met this sweet and kind girl in february this year who ive become very close and intimate with. We are not in a traditional relationship but in an open relationship sorta style. We are very comfortable with each other and can be honest with each other and talk about everything including sexuality.
So I opened up about my desire for diapers and I told her that I am a diaper lover and that diapers and ageplay turns me on and that im super scared to open up about it. I also told her that ive never opened up about it to anyone (which i havent) which she found super cute and honest.
She was very kind and understanding and was just like "oh is it just that? Thats so innocent you have nothing to worry about, I wont judge you" - which is the best feeling ever to hear from a significant other (and I encourage you all out there to give it a try and tell your significant other about this side of yourself!) It has been very nice for me to finally tell another person about this side of myself and to be met with nothing but love!

However - since I told her and she said it is no big deal, we have only briefly talked about it ever since. I have told her about binge-purge cycles and that im sometimes very into the diaper stuff and other times im not (as most of you might have tried yourself). And she has been very supportive and non-judgemental.

Since I told her, I thought that she would have a thousand of questions for me about it and I was ready to answer them - however, she hasn't asked me about it, why it turns me on, how it feels or well... anything

So my question for you guys is: Should I just let things be as it is right now where she accepts it and supports me but we dont really talk about it and she doesnt express any curiosity about the topic
Or should I ask her point blank if she would like to hear more about it and maybe participate?

I mean... open communication is best but im afraid to "push" her.

Thoughts are very appreciated.
Thank you!

I think it’s quite a blessing that she’s quite open. And I got to say if you can continue the relationship by all means do! I’m married and my wife doesn’t really ask much either but she does comment at times that my diaper covers look cute. It’s just them, they really are not judging and the kink just doesn’t matter really matter to them and they respect that too. You may feel like everyone would definitely want to know more about why you like diapers etc but in reality not many actually are bothered. Maybe these kind of ‘fetish’ or ‘kinks’ are becoming a norm I’d say.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Hey everyone

So I met this sweet and kind girl in february this year who ive become very close and intimate with. We are not in a traditional relationship but in an open relationship sorta style. We are very comfortable with each other and can be honest with each other and talk about everything including sexuality.
So I opened up about my desire for diapers and I told her that I am a diaper lover and that diapers and ageplay turns me on and that im super scared to open up about it. I also told her that ive never opened up about it to anyone (which i havent) which she found super cute and honest.
She was very kind and understanding and was just like "oh is it just that? Thats so innocent you have nothing to worry about, I wont judge you" - which is the best feeling ever to hear from a significant other (and I encourage you all out there to give it a try and tell your significant other about this side of yourself!) It has been very nice for me to finally tell another person about this side of myself and to be met with nothing but love!

However - since I told her and she said it is no big deal, we have only briefly talked about it ever since. I have told her about binge-purge cycles and that im sometimes very into the diaper stuff and other times im not (as most of you might have tried yourself). And she has been very supportive and non-judgemental.

Since I told her, I thought that she would have a thousand of questions for me about it and I was ready to answer them - however, she hasn't asked me about it, why it turns me on, how it feels or well... anything

So my question for you guys is: Should I just let things be as it is right now where she accepts it and supports me but we dont really talk about it and she doesnt express any curiosity about the topic
Or should I ask her point blank if she would like to hear more about it and maybe participate?

I mean... open communication is best but im afraid to "push" her.

Thoughts are very appreciated.
Thank you!

Have you drilled down on what it is you’re looking for from her? Acceptance to full participation or something in between?
My wife won’t let diapers into our intimate life but is quite accepting. When she brings up diapers now it’s in a matter of fact way that shows she’s not judgmental or threatened by them. They are a small extension of me. It is heartwarming for me and basically good enough but not utopian. Your relationship is new and still more malleable. As some people have suggested you can also reciprocate and attempt to fulfill her most vulnerable needs as well.

 

[jenstheboy]

Have you drilled down on what it is you’re looking for from her? Acceptance to full participation or something in between?
My wife won’t let diapers into our intimate life but is quite accepting. When she brings up diapers now it’s in a matter of fact way that shows she’s not judgmental or threatened by them. They are a small extension of me. It is heartwarming for me and basically good enough but not utopian. Your relationship is new and still more malleable. As some people have suggested you can also reciprocate and attempt to fulfill her most vulnerable needs as well.

Thank you very much for the nice answer. I agree with you, and I have also asked her about her kinks. She told me some of the things that makes her tick but just like me she hasnt yet told me how I can play a role in it - the relationship is still young so maybe if I am open to her and ask her if she wants me to participate in her fantasies maybe she will also be open to participate in mine. I haven't really thought about how she could participate though I would definitely be turned on if she just wore one with me.

 

[Eclectic]

When my wife and I had the "Talk" it was before we married, not by much tho. My conscience REALLY bothered me. I knew I had to come clean. Her response was like jenstheboy's girlfriend. Just not a problem.
Sometimes "not a problem' IS a problem. I was so relieved when she told me how much it wasn't a problem. But I didn't realize at the moment that she saw my abdl desires as something trivial. Worse, she saw it as an issue she would take care of and eliminate from our lives. Years later my wife confided in me about this. She told me that at the time it was such a minor thing to her. She told me she never realized how big a part of my life my diapers were. Her heart of hearts believe was that she was going to be so much for me I'd never look back on my diapers. It was only after we were married and settled into our relationship that she realized she bit off more that she thought.
When I came clean, it was very traumatic to reveal this part of me. I never thought to explain that I couldn't make it go away. That I tried mightily to quit my baby life. Looking back I wish I had. Maybe part of me was afraid to reveal how deeply ingrained my diapers were.
This reality of our life together spawned so much controversy. As the stress of life ramped up with a challenging work environment, adjusting to adult married life with new expenses and responsibilities, I retreated to my diaper default condition. This didn't mean I excluded her from our life together. Rather, she saw how emotionally involved I was in my ab world. Understandably she became jealous of it. Abdl was a mistress she couldn't compete with. Her attempts to cure me only created more controversy.
I would purge for her, trying to do my part to make our relationship better and she watched me gradually melt down to the point of losing my grasp on life. When this happened, it would break her heart. My wife REALLY loves me. She relented and allowed me to return to my baby. hobby. This happened over and over. Each time my abdl side grew and became more entrenched. Now, in many ways she's married to a very large toddler. I never meant (or wanted) this. Consciously anyways. The problem is, try as I might I couldn't stop it. Diapers were and are like and addictive drug. Just too powerful for me to control.
I guess what I'm getting at is if you ever get to the point of becoming a long term couple you REALLY need to talk this out. jenstheboy, if you can try to delve into yourself, try to picture how far you would have to go to keep the big baby in you from driving you crazy. With that in mind see if you can live that life without involving your girlfriend. If you can live that lifestyle that's the time to have the "Talk". Explain to her how you `reduced you abdl life to the point that you need those aspects of abdl to keep you mentally stable.. Make it clear she can't change it. She has to KNOW this is as basic as being physically handicapped.
Help her understand this isn't an ultimatum. Just a fact of life. Be prepared to have her tell you she couldn't handle your lifestyle. For me, I would have said goodbye. Looking back it would have been for the best. I would have tortured the person I loved the most and tortured myself right along with her. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you see your relationship starting to bloom into a life together, at that point she needs to KNOW what she's getting and you can guarantee it can't change. Had I done that, I would still most likely married my wife. But the years of pain we caused each other could have been minimized.
Good luck my friend....

This is some of the best relationship advice I have ever seen on this forum. Should be a sticky. I am an incontinent little married for over 20 years. My wife knew that about me 4 years before we married. However, I do not think she took it very seriously. I wish I would have been more upfront about my little personality and my need for diapers because it would have saved us both some hard times. Don’t bury or diminish your ABDL side and hope it will go away. It won’t and you and your partner will not be seeing the truth of things as difficult as that may be.

 

[geka]

you’ve gotten some great advice here,thank you 60 something.
Your girlfriend needs to see you being abdl too, let her see your the Same person regardless of your underwear

 

[jenstheboy]

This is some of the best relationship advice I have ever seen on this forum. Should be a sticky. I am an incontinent little married for over 20 years. My wife knew that about me 4 years before we married. However, I do not think she took it very seriously. I wish I would have been more upfront about my little personality and my need for diapers because it would have saved us both some hard times. Don’t bury or diminish your ABDL side and hope it will go away. It won’t and you and your partner will not be seeing the truth of things as difficult as that may be.

It most definitely is some good advice!

 

[enigmatic]

Congrats! You've gotten good advice from others. If she doesn't pick up on some of the other advice you can ease into being vulnerable by bringing things up little by little.

You'll get a decent idea of her willingness to participate but once you feel more comfortable then you can ask her if she would be willing to partake with you.

 

[jenstheboy]

Congrats! You've gotten good advice from others. If she doesn't pick up on some of the other advice you can ease into being vulnerable by bringing things up little by little.

You'll get a decent idea of her willingness to participate but once you feel more comfortable then you can ask her if she would be willing to partake with you.

Thank you! Yes I agree that a good way to approach it could be to bring things up little by little to get a decent idea of her willingness to participate without being pushy. She knows I have a stash of diapers in my closet amongst other toys so who knows maybe it will make her curious one day to take a look lmao. I have had both a situation with her where I thought "alright she wont participate in this" and I have also had a situation where I thought "that be damned she might actually join in on this".
The first situation was when i told her of my stash in the closet and if she wanted to see and feel one of my diapers to which she replied "nah not neccesary I think they just feel like the large pads we girls use for our periods" to which i just replied "oh okay I dont have experience with pads but maybe you are right" and we both didn't put more into it.. The other episode where I thought "hmm she might actually want to participate" was like two weeks ago when we were together at my place cuddling and she... well... her period started. She went to the bathroom to use whatever she could to handle the bleeding but I didnt really have anything but toilet paper, some wipes and what not. She then came back and joked about how she could just wear one of my diapers - I said no (can't recall exactly what i said but it was something like "no you dont have to do that, maybe that would be weird" or something like that - looking back at the situation, maybe I should just have said yes lol but i didnt want to push her and ... yeah this might sound weird... i want her first "diaper experience" to be just perfect which i at the time didnt feel was the situation there lol
Anyways I have given her space and we haven't really talked about diapers since.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thank you! Yes I agree that a good way to approach it could be to bring things up little by little to get a decent idea of her willingness to participate without being pushy. She knows I have a stash of diapers in my closet amongst other toys so who knows maybe it will make her curious one day to take a look lmao. I have had both a situation with her where I thought "alright she wont participate in this" and I have also had a situation where I thought "that be damned she might actually join in on this".
The first situation was when i told her of my stash in the closet and if she wanted to see and feel one of my diapers to which she replied "nah not neccesary I think they just feel like the large pads we girls use for our periods" to which i just replied "oh okay I dont have experience with pads but maybe you are right" and we both didn't put more into it.. The other episode where I thought "hmm she might actually want to participate" was like two weeks ago when we were together at my place cuddling and she... well... her period started. She went to the bathroom to use whatever she could to handle the bleeding but I didnt really have anything but toilet paper, some wipes and what not. She then came back and joked about how she could just wear one of my diapers - I said no (can't recall exactly what i said but it was something like "no you dont have to do that, maybe that would be weird" or something like that - looking back at the situation, maybe I should just have said yes lol but i didnt want to push her and ... yeah this might sound weird... i want her first "diaper experience" to be just perfect which i at the time didnt feel was the situation there lol

I think your thought process both directions about her potential participation was good. The period starting was an opportunity, but your desire not to be pushy was smart. If she brings it up again, follow through and see if she really will. I like the open dynamic you two have, and that's how all great relationships must be.

Please keep us up to date so we can be happy for you two, and help if we can.

 

[jenstheboy]

I think your thought process both directions about her potential participation was good. The period starting was an opportunity, but your desire not to be pushy was smart. If she brings it up again, follow through and see if she really will. I like the open dynamic you two have, and that's how all great relationships must be.

Please keep us up to date so we can be happy for you two, and help if we can.

Thank you very much! I agree - if she brings it up again I will follow through with it and see what happens. I met her online on a dating app in january then we met in real life in the start of february and have been dating since - i remember on her dating profile that she wrote that she values honesty and good communication above anything, and I have been nothing but honest with her ever since. I mean its not like i act any different around her - .. im also being honest to my friends but i just have some secrets I dont talk with my friends about like my diaper desires. But to her im an open book and she has been open to me aswell. Yes , every great relationship should be this way. It makes life so much easier, builds trust and connection. I will definitely update this thread as things move on!

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Yes , every great relationship should be this way.

NOPE. Every great relationship IS that way. If it is not, it's not a great relationship. It can't be. It can be good, but it will never be great until you both know that your deepest self and deepest secrets, including the things you deeply regret, are safe with the other. When you truly get there, you have a relationship that can last a lifetime.